Frum dating advice

04-Oct-2017 16:17

But I have yet to find an answer that will lead to a solution. The focus is on what seems to be a lopsided ratio of boys to girls. One of the most frequent ‘answers’ given is that boys tend to wait until they are about 23 to get married. That creates a pool that includes young women aged 19 to 23 - all competing for this one age group. Nonetheless this is what proposed solutions are addressing.

There are far more available single girls of marriageable age than there are boys. All else being equal that is about a 4 to one ratio. But I do not accept that as the primary cause of the problem. Boys - it is being said - should get married earlier. Getting married pre-maturely is a prescription for disaster.

In previous generations (and still today in more “modernishe” circles), young men and women met through groups like NCSY, Bnai Akiva, naturally through the community via coincidence, and even – dare I say it – at Shabbos Nachamu singles events.

In fact, many community leaders, including prominent American (and European) rabbanim and roshei yeshiva met their wives this way.

Both about twenty years old living in different parts of the country. Even at the age of 20, close family members begin to worry. And it still perplexes me as to why this is the case.

There have been articles upon articles with so-called experts giving their perspectives and telling us what to do to help solve the problem.

Furthermore, the extreme gender separation, previously only known in chasidishe circles, has prevented people finding one another or effectively networking. Yudkowsky also correctly points out that the Yeshiva world has adopted elements of the Chasidic dating process without including its benefits.

So, the shidduch crisis is, for the most part, self-inflicted by the system. There are increased limitations on a Yeshivishe couple that do not apply to the Chasidic world.

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But it is increasingly becoming part of the more right wing Modern Orthodox world too.Any education they might get at that seminary, though highly valued is nonetheless secondary to that one value. To become a Talmid Chacham it takes a lot more than just wanting to be one. or spending a lot of time schmoozing with your friends in the back of the Beis Ha Medrash.

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